May 25, 2020

It was just supposed to be a parking lot paving project, the day before Holy Spirit Catholic Church would host its first funeral with more than 10 mourners since the COVID-19 pandemic began.

But then a little miscommunication turned into a profound memory.

Shortly after Black-Top Paving started the job, it became clear the funeral and the parking lot repair had been scheduled the same day.

“So we’re out there paving thinking we’ll get it done so they can have the lot for the next day, and all of a sudden the hearse shows up and people start showing up,” division leader Ryan Kerkvliet said.

The team helped get people parked, and the funeral began.

“So we said we’ll have to make the best of it, and that’s all I knew.”

Kerkvliet wasn’t there. And it wasn’t until he started getting messages later that he learned what had happened next.

As the funeral was winding down and mourners left the church, the nine-person Black-Top crew stopped working and took a knee.

“As they were coming out, the guys made the choice to shut everything down and show their condolences,” Kerkvliet said. “I contacted the superintendent right away and said, ‘Were you out there?’ ”

He wasn’t.

“But he was getting calls too,” Kerkvliet said.

“I wanted to know if we as management tried to prod this or was it the foreman and crew’s choice, and it was literally their choice. That’s where it hits home. That’s the culture we’re trying to achieve here at (parent company) Journey, and I think it shows when things like that come up. That’s what makes me proud as their leader. People think they’re construction workers, and there’s more to it. Construction workers have a heart too. They get it.”

Heritage Funeral Home funeral director Kristen Peterson was one of the first to notice.

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen anything like that,” she said. “I glanced back … and I saw them taking a knee. It really took me off guard as such a wonderful, respectful thing.”

The nine-person crew didn’t know whose funeral it was. They didn’t realize that they helped write a heartwarming final chapter for a heartbreaking story.

But Peterson did — because the funeral director had become a friend to the mother who now mourned the loss of her second child in less than two years.

“Part of my job is to help families in the time of need. But 99 percent of the time they go on and I go on,” she said. “It’s not super common to keep in contact.”

That changed with Brenda Gehling. Peterson happened to answer the phone at Heritage when Gehling called to make arrangements for her son, Scott Hegdahl, who died in 2018 at age 39 of Huntington’s disease.

Peterson learned that the children’s father had died of the disease when they were young. Both Scott and his sister, Lindsey, had inherited the disease.

“At the time Scott passed away, Lindsey was in a care program at Avera Prince of Peace,” Peterson said. “But she was able to come to her brother’s funeral, and she was just remarkable. She knew what was going to happen to her. But throughout it all, she had tremendous grace and love in her heart,” Peterson said.

“They just found a special place in my heart, so I kept in contact with them. Brenda showed such courage and strength. And Lindsey and Brenda had so much in common. Neither one of them had bitterness or hate in their heart or anger. And I knew this mama was going to lose both children in such a short period of time, and it’s just heartbreaking.”

Lindsey died May 9 at age 35. Hers was the funeral that had brought the paving crew to its knees.

“I said, ‘Brenda, look what they’re doing,’ ” Peterson said. “And she just started to sob. She was so touched, as we all were, by the respect they showed us.”

The gesture “took my breath away,” Gehling said.

“It made a hard day special, if that makes any sense. It’s just bad, with the virus and so many things going on in the world. And to have someone honor your daughter like that, it was an honor. It was such a respectful gesture.”

‘One of those people that had an impact’

Lindsey was born in Madison and moved with her family to Sioux Falls in the second grade. She graduated from Washington High School in 2002 and hoped to become a nurse. Shortly after graduation from USD in 2006, Huntington’s disease began to take over.

“If one parent has it, your children have a 50-50 chance, and unfortunately my only two children got the bad gene,” Gehling said. “It’s like having Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and ALS all at the same time. You really deal with a lot of emotional things with it.”

Lindsey found comfort on long hikes, taking her dogs for walks. She liked to be around kids and animals, celebrate holidays and be surrounded by family.

She spent the last 11 months at Dougherty Hospice House, where immediate family still were allowed to visit in recent months. Gehling quit her job more than a year ago to be with her daughter daily.

“And the last two-and-a-half weeks, I just stayed 24 hours a day,” she said. “I can’t even stress the wonderful staff and volunteers they have there. It’s absolutely amazing.”

As the hearse left Holy Spirit, it went by Prince of Peace and Dougherty Hospice House, where another salute was waiting. The sidewalk was lined with staff and volunteers, waving, holding signs of support and releasing balloons.

“Lindsey was one of those people that had an impact on the life of everyone she met,” said Heidi Caldwell, a nurse at Dougherty who would come in on her day off to give Lindsey manicures.

“No matter how bad of a day she was having or how sick she was, her beautiful blue eyes would light up when you walked into her room, and her arms would stretch for a hug. We all found Lindsey and her mom to be amazing examples of strength and faith. God gave them both a special mission to touch our lives at the Dougherty House … and they did so. No question.”

“I can’t say enough about Dougherty,” Gehling said. “We have become very good friends. They treated Lindsey like a daughter or sister, and even at the funeral there were a lot of staff there. It was her home for a year. So it was her last goodbye.”

At a time when so many goodbyes have been less than what was deserved, this one became a young woman’s last message to all who saw her final farewell.

“When you were with Lindsey, you couldn’t help but be reminded not to take one moment of life for granted,” Caldwell said. “It’s all beautiful and at its best when you share yourself with others.”

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